This is a guest post by Kathy Copcutt
Open letter to all divorced and separated parents, remember to show respect to your ex. No matter what happens that person is the Mother/Father of your child(ren).
It was blissful when the relationship started, that fluttery feeling, goose bumps, couldn’t get enough of one another, everything was rosey, love was blooming and everyone was happy. Then things started to sour, whatever was the turning point, you find yourself thinking, NO way can I stay with this person, it’s over. It could be tension building, you’re not attracted to one another anymore, finical, or you just realized that you’ve out grown one another.
However the relationship doesn’t consist of just the two of you, innocent children are involved.
Children look at their parents for love, security, comfort and most of all compassion and respect. Respect for the child and respect toward one another as parents. As a single mom I want to remind all single parents that you have to respect your ex partner, the other half of your child, the other parent.
Hear me out, you don’t have to like one another but you do have to respect one another. Respect one another because you are the mother/father of a child you created together. Respect one another to show your child that even though mom and dad aren’t together we can and will co parent, lead by example, start teaching your child the basic fundamentals of life.
At one point your ex was the right person in your life and now with different circumstance; which is different for all however the end result is the same, separation and or divorce. You shouldn’t speak ill of your ex. You shouldn’t speak ill in front of your child, in front of your friends and most of all do not speak ill of your ex to your new partner.
Yes, you dislike your ex, you hate paying child support, you dislike seeing your child weekends, whatever your reasoning is, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! First off, when you speak ill of your ex, the party who is hearing your reasoning is only getting one side of the story. If your looking for compassion, understanding, pity and or just to complain, DON’T do it. Keep your mouth shut, this is the person who is raising and influencing your child. They deserve respect, they deserve it, period.
Keep the lies, half truth, truth to yourself. All your doing is damaging the child, children hear everything, see everything and it will lead them to question their parents. Having children feel insecure because of our own insecurities is crime. We are stealing their childhood for our pure selfish reasons.
I have to admit I’m writing this because I was talking to a girlfriend who’s is a single mom herself and started dating a single dad. As she was talking to me about him she started bashing the mother of his child. I stopped her immediately and asked why she’s bad mouthing this woman who she doesn’t even know. Her response was anger, defensive and condescending. Stating that everything she’s been told about the mom/ex is horrible. I looked at her in awe and asked her, don’t you think YOUR ex is talking like that about you? Don’t you think as moms, woman, parents we should stick together and say please stop making your ex be the villain of this story. Maybe instead say, why don’t you treat your ex with respect and talk to one another. Stop playing games, stop the lying, stop the manipulation and deal with each other head on and truthfully? Set aside your anger and talk, why the need of bad mouthing your ex? It’s not needed and we are all adults. Is this what it’s come down to? Say loving beautiful things about one another and when it’s over speak vile of one another? Why? It’s not needed, especially when you share a beautiful child that looks to it’s parents for stability. If we as adults can’t understand one another how are we going to raise our children, how will we lead by example, how will we teach them compassion?
As parents we want our children to thrive not just survive. Why not as parents let’s learn to get along and actually talk to one another instead of being influenced by people, situations and place the judgement aside. As parents let’s learn to stick up for one another.
The next time you hear another parent bad mouthing their ex, stop them. Remind them, they share a child together. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about any type of abuse, abuse is not tolerated and seek help immediately.
Parents remember, the only thing in the world that will remain constant no matter what,
is the bond that we share, our child.
So please next time you hear a parent talking poorly stop them and ask, “tell me one good thing about the parent of your child”. Remind them this is the person who is raising your child, influencing them and loves them unconditionally.
Be grateful that you have an ex, because you wouldn’t have your child if you didn’t have an ex.
I’m grateful for my ex, we’ve both moved on and it’s important to remember that we both have one goal in our lives that is exactly the same, our child.