Not knowing how to argue can be at the core of many marital problems and there is a right and wrong way to do it.
By practicing patience and thoughtfulness even when in the midst of an argument, you will notice that the daily bickering that can plague marriage will become less and less in frequency and severity.
It can be helpful to consider a different communication styles that men and women typically have.
Men generally tend to think in terms of solutions. I often times catch myself wanting to tell my wife to get to the point. I don’t realize that perhaps she just needs to vent about an issue without me trying to be the Mr. fix it. Offering solutions is a way for us to show our wives that they can rely on us for our help. Many times I would find myself absolutely baffled when my solution isn’t accepted. I couldn’t understand why she would want to talk about a problem if she didn’t want a solution.
When bickering and arguments come up I had to start realizing that understanding must come before me offering my advice. I had to let my wife know that I fully understood and empathized with her dilemma before offering my solution. Often times a solution wasn’t even needed so much as she needed a good listener.
A good thing for husbands to do is to practice listening. Next time a problem comes up just try and resist the urge to give advice. Focus on what she is saying.
For wives, especially if you have a husband that think in linear terms, say what you need. Sometimes you really do have to spell it out. Asking your guy to listen and understand the situation before offering advice is key. Consider that husbands offering solutions aren’t trying to be insensitive, we are trying to ease your burden. Instead of getting pissed off, remember that we are just trying to help.
We try to treat others the way we want to be treated, however we have to consider how our partner would like to be treated. As husbands we need to be willing to listen, and as wives it can be important to hear solutions once in a while. When you’re meeting in the middle both parties will benefit.